Do you like to listen to audiobooks? Why is
there no candy named "Banana Screamers"? Is it because bananas
don't scream?
Do you maintain a current profile on
a social networking site such as MySpace or Facebook? Do "wanted" posters in the Post Office count?
Before people find out your real age,
what do they usually assume? That the dead
have arisen from their graves.
Can you tell the difference between
very good wine and pretty good wine, just from the taste? I just check for "Thunderbird" on the label.
When you were a child, did you have
an "imaginary friend"? They used to make
fun of "Mr. Happychuncks", but one day, he showed them all!
Have you ever created a piece of art
for a friend, just because you were thinking of them? Well, I thought was art. They said it was just glitter glued to
a pine cone.
Do you read in the bathroom? And then I _____________ in the library (fill in the blank).
Do you enjoy creating mathematical
problems to solve by yourself? Well, there was
one, but turns out that smarty pants Fermat beat me to it......
Would speaking in front of a large
group make you nervous? Large group of
humans, no. Large group of flesh eating zombies, yes.
Are we ever going to have those
flying cars they've been promising us? Who is
"they"? And we do have them: we call them "airplanes".
Do you, or have you ever, read a text
book or technical manual for fun/pleasure? Yeah, boy, nothing gets my heart pumping like POLYMER MATRIX
MATERIALS: ADVANCED COMPOSITES.
Have you ever donated blood? Voluntarily?
You wake up 20 minutes before your
alarm is scheduled to go off. What do you do? Curse myself for setting the alarm 20 minutes late.
Do you see a pattern in the type of
people you usually end up in relationships with? Hominids, female, hair covered bodies, warm blooded, give birth
to live young; yeah, I think I see a pattern here...
What is your favorite transportation
medium? This one was a real challenge to
answer, having to decide between dirigibles and unicycles.
Do you have a survival kit prepared
just in case a disaster occurs and normal services are disrupted for an
extended period of time? I guess you mean
beyond running around in circles and yelling: "We're all doomed! We're all
doomed!"
Have you ever written short fiction,
other than for school assignments? You mean like:
"I Like American Idol"? Is that short enough?
If while visiting a friend's house,
you notice a painting hanging slightly off kilter. Do you adjust it? My friends tend to be off kilter as well.
Do you think most people your age
would guess what kinds of music you listen to or don't listen to just by
looking at you? Since I'm a musician and perform IN
FRONT OF PEOPLE ALL THE TIME.......
Do you store any of your physical
possessions alphabetically? I store my number
collection alphabetically.
Do you enjoy taking pictures of
yourself? If a vampire tried to take a selfie,
would you just see a camera suspended in midair?
Have you ever recited a poem that you
did not write to someone as a means of expressing your mood or feelings? Like dirty limericks?
Do you feel that you're usually at
least one step ahead of most people you talk to? Because I like to walk backwards when I'm talking to them.
Do you like to interpret your own
dreams? Sometimes a cigar is just a squid.
Do you ever feel it is important to
answer questions like these in certain denominations or multiples? (e.g., You
can't stop until you've answerd a multiple of 5 questions or the total number
of questions you've answered ends in 2.) I'd answer this, but I have to wait until a Tuesday.
Have you ever purposely pretended to
be ignorant about something you have knowledge of because you wanted to hear
someone else explain it? It's called
"being a teacher".
Do you more often get angry with
yourself or with other people? I get angry with
myself for not getting angry with other people.
Do you think most people are
lonely? You mean, there's other people......?
Do you like holding hands? Unless you mean with a gorilla. I don't think I'd like that. You
should be more specific.
Does violence ever solve
anything? Works in boxing matches.
Do you ever rehearse or plan
conversations before actually having them? Rarely. Try to limit it to when I talk to my imaginary friends.
A photographer approaches you on the
street and asks to take your picture. What do you do? Depends on the situation. For Girls Gone Wild, definitely not.
Are you comfortable with who you
are? It's the other people that I'm not
comfortable with who they are.
Does the idea of time travel appeal
to you? I'll let you know yesterday.
When you see something on sale that's
buy one, get one free, does it make you want to buy it even if you don't need
it? (no) Unless what they are selling are
dollars.
Have you ever dyed your hair a real
crazy, unnatural color? You mean like
plaid?
Have you made plans to survive a
natural or man-made disaster where you live? I live in Texas. How much more of a disaster do you want?
Have you ever taken free furniture
somebody else left at the side of the road for use in your home? What about all those free cars that are left at the side of the
road?
Have you ever driven a motor vehicle
over 100mph (161kph)? Is this to determine if I
like fast women?
Have you ever had a 'full body'
orgasm? Took a whole week to clean up the
mess.
Do your parents have strong opinions
about what kind of person you should marry? They have to be living.
Would you swim in a natural body of
water without being able to see or touch the bottom? Exactly who's bottom are we talking about?
Do you hit the snooze button more
than once on a typical morning? Since I rarely
use the alarm, hitting the snooze button wouldn't really accomplish much.
Other than for costumes, do you
purchase and wear second hand/vintage clothes? I wear them until they become vintage.
Would you date someone with
braces? Carbon 14 dating is more accurate,
though.
Would a partner with big hands and
feet (bigger than average) turn you off? (no) Now if someone were four feet tall and could palm a beach ball,
that might be different.
Does the idea of living underwater
fascinate you? Until I have to take a breath.
Have you ever formed an opinion about
a stranger in a grocery store, based primarily on the items he or she is
buying? I think it was the one guy buying
nothing but ammunition and a ski mask.....
Do you like to play contact sports? I wear glasses instead of contacts.
Have you ever been to a strip
club? Not even as a participant.
Is it easy for you to throw away
things that you don't really use anymore? You mean like old friends?
Imagine you are put on hold while
making a telephone call. A song you like comes on while you wait. Would you
sing along? What if the song is from
"Wozzeck"?
Do people tend to take you seriously,
or usually think you're being sarcastic? Gee, that was such an intelligent question.
Do you write creatively (novels,
plays, poetry, and so forth)? I tend to limit
my creative writing to smart ass answers to dumb ass questions.
Do most politicians really want to
make the world a better place? Well, for
themselves, yes.
Do you like reading tabloids?
(no) Don't like seeing my name in print.
Do you like going to the movies
alone? Nothing like having an empty
auditorium except for me.
How do you generally do on
standardized tests? And how do you feel about them? Generally, standardized tests test knowledge and thinking skills
about as well as Microsoft Flight Simulator tests how good a pilot you are.
When you're alone, do you talk to
yourself out loud? I can't hear myself when I
whisper.
If there were a political candidate
who you really liked, how would you offer support in terms of time or
money? First part of the question might have
well as said: "If Santa Claus was for real...."
Excluding childhood fights, have you
ever punched someone in the face? (no) I find a
baseball bat to the solar plexus much more effective.
If you could read minds, would you
tell anyone? I knew you were going to ask that.
If a close friend doesn't call you
for a week, do you start worrying that he hates you? I start worrying that Communists stole his phone.
Have you kept any old love
letters from ex-lovers? X lovers, Y
lovers, Z lovers, hell, the whole damn alphabet.
Do you have a problem with people who
wear leather clothing? I believe they are called
"the police". Or cowboys.
Do you tend to blow off your
responsibilities? I play wind instruments. Of
course I blow off my responsibilities.
How often do you hang out at coffee
shops / cafes? I do try to check my zipper.....
Have you made fun of anyone recently,
knowing that it probably upset them? "I'm
sorry, Bobby, but when you decided to become a clown, you just had to accept
that people were going to laugh at you."
It's important that I smell
good. So I keep a nasal decongestant handy.
Do you go to LAN parties? I find no appeal in lamely attired nincompoops.
Are you quietly angry a lot of the
time? Did Bruce Banner come up with this
question?
Do people that you've dated/tried to
date ever tell you that you're just too "nice"? I always beat the crap out of people that tell me that.
Are you an insomniac? I'm certainly not losing any sleep over it.
Would you prefer it if fashion models
were the same size and bodytype as the average citizen? I always like for humans to have that actual third dimension.
Do you enjoy being naked? (yes) The rest of the people in church don't seem to be too crazy about
it, though.
Do you read erotic fiction?
(no) It just isn't the same since Dr.
Seuss died.
Do you find that extremely
intelligent people are intimidating? I
personally eschew the companionship of those individuals whom I would envisage
to be on a superior intellectual plane than this obsequious hominid.
Or: If I ever meet any, I'll let you know.
Do you have the kind of body that's
so hot it turns heads? You mean like Regan in
"The Exorcist"?
Do you think someone's
faults/imperfections generally make them more attractive? If it made them more attractive, then they wouldn't be
imperfections, would they?
Would you ever seriously date someone
twice your age? Not that many people make it to 110.